Comments on: Alcoholism is not a shameful or guilty vice!

By: Otto

Otto — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:37:36 +0000

Freddie, congratulations for your partner’s courage to go to AA. The percentage of recovery is higher than for other methods. One can guarantee the success if your partner continues to go for a sufficiently long period of time, at least weekly. Antabuse is OK.

By: Freddie

Freddie — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:57:15 +0000

My partner is an alcoholic. I agree, alcoholism is far from shameful, it is sad and very human. Only ignorant people will think it shameful.

It takes time but it is relatively easy to fall into alcoholism. It takes for ever to stop and control it and it is a perpetual struggle. My partner has started the year well, going to AA every day rain or shine evening or daytime. She takes Antabuse. It’s an horrendous thing to break free of.

By: Otto

Otto — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:56:14 +0000

You are right: the alcoholic experiencing some time in sobriety and ‘light’ has that choice.
But let me be the Devil’s Attorney. An alcoholic can stop drinking till 365 times yearly. The abstinence can last from one evening till the next morning, or it can take 3 or 30 or 300 days, but he/she is able after all to relapse unexpectedly (and unwillingly).
You have to know that one of the numerous definitions of the alcoholism says that this is a chronic disease characterized by periods of excessive drinking, interrupted (more or less) by periods of complete abstinence. So, I think that a longer break in drinking is not necessarily ‘arresting the disease’.

About the guilt and shame: You say that ‘any guilt that they feel at that point is probably deserved’. I am not so sure that he ‘gives up’ on something, but I think he ‘undergoes’ the relapse subconsciously and then his conscience is busy finding or inventing reasons and excuses for himself or for wife and relatives that question him ‘why’. This is the moment when he acquires an UNDESERVED guilt and shame, because he does not understand his will’s true incapacity to reject the drink.
Let us say why you are right about the alcoholic forgiving himself quickly: because the alcoholic is anyway not really guilty, because he is not a bad person, he is a sick one only.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:55:43 +0000

I think it’s worth pointing out that an alcoholic who has finally arrested their disease and experienced at least some time in sobriety now has a choice. Now they have seen the light and they know that there is help available and that there is a solution. In that sense, the absolution of guilt and shame is really only for the uninitiated–those who have not yet encountered recovery. But those who relapse know better. They know there is a solution and they gave up on that solution. They had a choice and any guilt that they feel at that point is probably deserved (although it is not likely to be very helpful). The key is to forgive yourself quickly and get back to the basics and what was working for you in the past.